Remembering The Lost One

“I have wandered away like a lost sheep; come and find me, for I have not forgotten your commands.” Psalms 119:176 NLT

In 2014, the darkest and most depressed season of my life, the Lord was convicting me of the sin I was living in. I began to recognize His voice and responded to His call. He was calling me to know Him. He was calling me to take a chance on knowing Him and inviting Him into my life. To say that I don’t recognize or want to remember the person I was that year is a way of putting the past me behind me and forgetting the person I was. And for a long time, I did that. 

“For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19 NLT

A heads up, this is a long blog, but some GOOD STUFF! … keep reading!

After I rededicated my life to Jesus, this scripture gave me hope that God wanted me to leave the past behind me (not dwell on my mistakes) and to know that He had given me new life, and to walk into the path of righteousness. I knew He was revealing my purpose in life as I was getting to know Him more. 

I was on fire for Christ after my water baptism and a beautiful encounter I had with the Holy Spirit one night. But there were parts of me that I had hidden from my circle of people, friends from church and family. Yes, I talked about how Jesus changed my life, but I never went deep into detail. I talked about going through depression and hopelessness but I never brought up the topics of the worldly sin I was walking in and repented from. Though I repented, I was still too shy to talk about my darkest season of life. 

In January 2018, I had a phone interview with the world race. I opened up on the interview about something I had never told anyone even though I had walked in freedom of the sin for a few years at that point. The lady interviewing me shared some words with me that stuck. She said “Even if you have walked in freedom from it, and you have not opened up about it to anyone, you may still be walking in shame.” 

Woah… okay. 

So that day, I called two friends, met up with both, shared my testimony with them and they prayed over me. It turned out well and into a glorious memory that I thank God for this very day. So what was I afraid of!? 

I’d love to walk you into a glimpse of my life where I was once lost. 

In 2014, I was in a bar and briefly met a lady standing beside me. When this lady walked into the room, I had this deep sorrow for her life and thought to myself, “man this woman needs Jesus in her life.” Weeks passed by and as I remembered that specific night wondering if that woman would ever find Jesus, I was recognizing more and more how I was just as lost as she was from knowing Jesus as a personal savior and Lord. The reality was, I was the lost one. I was blind and didn’t realize it. I was the one that needed a savior. I felt tied into the darkness by the enemy. The devil thought he had me, feeding lies in my head and to my heart, making me believe that I wasn’t worth going back to my old dreams. Old dreams and passions  of being a long term missionary, traveling the world, marrying a pastor..etc. were then hopeless passions/dreams. I felt bound to shame from the way I chose to live my life after high school. I felt bound to the condemnation of the devil. I was bound to the belief that the Lord would never want to use me and trust me to lead people to know Him since I didn’t stay faithful to him. 

The worldly sin I was tangled in felt like a trap from the enemy. Yes I made poor decisions following the effects of drinking alcohol, dating someone I never imagined I would as a child, and finding myself in uncomfortable situations that only left me hurt and filled with shame. The devil tried to do what He could, feeding me lies I was believing to keep me from pursuing a relationship with my Heavenly Father and the calling God had on my life. 

One night in May 2014, I cried myself to sleep, sorry for living impure ways of God, and crying that He would rescue me from my filth. 

On June 28th, 2014 I made the most important decision I know I’ll ever make for as long as I live here on earth. I surrendered. I gave my life to Jesus and said to Him, “the life I walk on Earth is now yours. I want to walk in the freedom you died for to give me, and to turn my life around to glorify you. No longer will I be a fan of you but a follower of you, Jesus. Now, you are my Lord!”

Of course changing my life around didn’t happen over night. I had to make decisions over time that included heartbreaks and suffering. I then had to obey God so that He would lead me to walk on the path of righteousness. 

Sometimes you hear people say, “I don’t want to recognize or remember the person I was in the past.” Sometimes that might be a great thing. But as for me, within the last few years, more so now, the Lord has had me remembering my past. I am at a point in my life that I don’t want to forget. I want to keep praising Him. Days have past that I have asked God to remind me of the grave of hopelessness He pulled me out of. 

Since it has been 7 years since I’ve found life and freedom in Christ, lately I have realized that most of my Christian life I have based it on performance out of my servant hearted passions. Serving God through ministries began to feel more so like a duty to me and the memory of His goodness and faithfulness from the transformation in my life was starting to fade. Serving God, declaring His name, sharing the gospel and loving people began to be more important to me than my relationship with Him. Of course I always kept God close, pouring out the love that He had shared with me, but overtime serving became more of the priority than my time with Him. 

The reason God sent His ONLY Son to die for us was to bring reconciliation of humanity to Himself. All He desires is that we would have an intimate “dad-child”relationship with Him as we are His adopted children when we become  born again. He wants our whole being, our whole heart, seeking Him in everything. As much as He wants a deep relationship with me, I wanted it too, to be so close to hear His heartbeat. I was getting so caught up in serving over time, as I let it become more of a performance and duty, I was often forgetting God’s faithfulness and transformative power over my life. I wasn’t sharing often of God’s goodness in my own life. I wasn’t being vulnerable enough with people until I joined the world race in 2019 and began sharing the testimony of my life God gave me. 

Although the scripture says to forget the past because He is doing a new thing, it is important that we remember where in life God has redeemed us from without dwelling on it that could cause us to stumble in guilt. But our testimony is His story. Jesus died so that that we may live. Now through our testimonies, we are able to defeat the devil’s plans of destruction over other’s lives and bring the freedom of Christ to people all around. People find freedom and eternal life in Christ through hearing our testimony and the Word of God. Only the devil tries to shame and condemn us, but with Christ we have life and life abundantly with God’s amazing Grace for us. 

Having a group or a community of believers is really important to invest in when walking in your life with Christ. Sharing your story with people helps build trust and relationships with each other and it also increases your faith and trust in God. It is important that when sharing your story, to share it with selective vulnerability but without shame or guilt. It brings an opportunity for other believers to come along side you and hold you accountable for your faith and actions. Not only that, but it is also an opportunity to bring freedom to others lives. You will never know what people are struggling with until the Lord uses you to share about the chain-breaking stories in your life. 

If anyone is struggling with a sin in your life, I want to encourage you to bring that darkness to light. Pray about sharing your story or sin struggle, and find a person you trust that will hear your situation and that will pray with you. The first thing the devil wants us to do is to stay silent and be distracted from walking into our destiny of calling. But Jesus is the overcomer of your situation and He gives us courage to face that anxiety and worry in the face, and He brings us peace and grace in those situations. Remember that you are worthy and valued in God’s kingdom and the testimony you share is uniquely your own. There is a community of believers around you that will pray and encourage you, and the Lord works all things out for the good of those who love Him. You have a promised purpose in this world and the Lord is waiting for you to be spiritually focused on Him so that He can guide you. 

So why was God having me remember myself as once lost?

Because  he was reminding me that I’ve been made pure and whole, and worthy to be His own. And that there are people all around me who are suffering in their shame and in their sin, afraid to open up about their struggles. Freedom is here, and it’s Jesus Christ who conquered death to give all life through Him. To remember where I once was, God is given all the glory and praise for what He’s done and calling me home! 

“Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me. For I cried out to him for help, praising him as I spoke. If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me.” Psalms 66:16-20 NLT

I am available to listen and pray with you if you are struggling to share. I would love to come along side you and lift you up through prayer and encouragement. God bless you all!