Courage- Facing Fear of Public Speaking

Courage is the word I would personally describe my 5th month on the race.

It is now half way through the race. We have had team changes this month and new ministry assignments.

Most of my race, my experiences of ministry were assigned to manual labor and lots of children’s ministry such as serving in orphanages. My team hadn’t done any teaching/preaching, reaching out to the community or sharing testimonies in church services like most other teams have. I hadn’t had those experiences on the race yet.

There was nothing wrong about the ministries I was a part of. I enjoyed and loved how the Lord used our team through the last several months and especially what he has been teaching me personally. Since January, from going deeper into intimacy with the Lord every day, he’s been teaching me to walk in vulnerability, faith, and overall learning to love those in community with me and as well as allowing them to love me. (This is a big part of my testimony that I’m currently working on to share in a blog later).

Now that it’s half way through the race, I am beginning to see a shift in God allowing me to grow and understand the giftings he has given me. Going into the race, my expectations for personal growth was to practice obedience, to act on doing what the Lord shows or tells me to do, to grow in boldness, and fearlessly evangelize to others. Therefore, I wanted to be courageous in going for the opportunities to plant seeds when they come.

I had a glimpse of that growth in Colombia, but I lacked much of it in the following months. I kept repeating my passion for evangelizing and praying for others and I desired to grow in this. One thing that held me back was fear of man and wondering what others would think of me if I had stopped to pray or talk to someone. There are times I stress over inconveniencing someone else’s time and I brought that with me on the race and it has spiritually blocked me from the chance of sharing the gospel and possibly planting seeds.

What Jesus calls us to do is to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, son and Holy Spirit and to teach them to obey everything he has commanded.  And this is what I  desired to live out. Our squad and myself wear a shirt that says “live what you believe” and it has been a great reminder of what I believe and the reason why I wanted to travel the world as a missionary. It is a reminder that I want to live as Jesus states “If anyone wants to be my follower, you must give up your own way, take up your cross daily and follow me.” This is where I die to self and live all for him.

Dying to self and living for the Lord is a way I see loving people and having compassion for them. I love the Lord and love sharing the hope he has given me to others. My heart breaks for those who don’t know or will ever recognize the Love he wants to freely give to them.

And so, this month I was given the opportunity to share my testimony during a church service. This was the first time I had shared openly about my life in front of people other than one’s I’ve built relationship with. And then this past weekend we traveled 6 hours through the mountains to minister to a village. There we needed 3 volunteers to either preach or share a testimony. I was asked if I would take the opportunity to share my first message to a youth service right after church. 

I nervously took the opportunity with less than 24 hours to prepare. Like I said, I’m desiring to grow in evangelizing. I just want to soak up these opportunities. Though I was having courage to take the opportunity, the time of having to prepare brought on some nervous thoughts. Fears were coming to mind, like public speaking, not being able to focus without a prepared message, and not being too knowledgeable of the bible. I was nervous that my message wouldn’t flow together. I also hadn’t really attended a youth group and I was unsure of what to teach youth especially in foreign country. My mind was distracted about how I could deliver a message from my human effort instead of knowing that God is in control and could piece it all together for me if I would just trust him.

I talked to my squad leader about these fears running through my mind and public speaking. He encouraged me along with another teammate. When they prayed over me, the Lord had placed a scripture on my mind right then. I fell asleep within that hour, to rest and pray about it in the morning. I had about an hour to prepare, and I trusted the Lord that I would share in his leading.

God is so cool! I had shared my first message in a small village youth service by his leading. Whatever was said I know resonated with their hearts and has blessed them. I’m still not sure if preaching is my best strong suit but I know that in these next few months, as missionaries, our hosts will be asking us to share a message in short notice.

I’m super excited and nervous to see how the Lord will teach me to grow me in this area as I grow more in trusting him and knowing that he provides the messages that are needed to be heard. In the end, it all brings Him glory and equipment of the church!